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#992
Straight to the point, here's my take on the issue. I believe most children nowadays are forced to live at home because of challenging financial circumstances. Especially if you are from the Bay Area, California (like me), it is very expensive and it is much more beneficial to save money if you can. From my perspective, you'd want to provide your child with the least amount of financial struggles, if you can.

Argument from 'Responsibility' - One main argument is that, "I am charging my child rent to teach them responsibility." - This seems to be flawed, as any child can be taught responsibility without financial obligations from their parents. Sure, you can teach your child how to make a $300 payment every month to his/her parent, but what are the child's financial decisions every other day throughout the month? Are they blowing money on alcohol or materialistic things? Are they wasting money on entertainment and material instead of being practical? These are core values that are fed into our society through the media and other sources that are not going to be "fixed" by having your child pay rent. They should be learning how to keep a full time job, manage their finances (credit cards, car payment, etc.) and building their credit. From their actions, you can use this information to decide whether or not they need more help in becoming "responsible". But again, the help should not be to give them another financial obligation, as they would need to learn how to prioritize their prior finances first.

Your child is now your tenant - When you make your daughter/son pay rent, you start to create a gradual segregation. It may range from minimal to significant, depending on the child, but it does create a mental boundary (on some level) in the child's mind that he is starting to become separate from the family. This type of segregation may cause them to subconsciously act in ways that tend to be more selfish toward the family, as they feel like your tenant, and not your son/daughter. Examples: How much time they spend with you, how they treated you before and after the rent obligation began, the amount of money they spend on you (b-days, x-mas, etc.). Again, these may range from very subtle, to very drastic.

The Parental obligation to your child - When you have a child, you carry a moral and financial obligation to take care of her/him. Our society will state that, "Once your kid becomes 18, he's a grown adult. He needs to move out or start paying rent." - The first problem with this is drawing a line between the child's age and parental care. Apparently when they turn a specific age, the norm is to become less caring, rather than more caring? Why wouldn't care come in the form of making sure your child is financially and mentally ready to live on her/his own, rather than assign an age (18) to it? The second problem comes in with unrealistic and illogical standards for the times we live in today. As most people know, it is very expensive to live on your own. Many people I know personally, are moving away from California because it is too expensive. These are grown adults who have very stable and well paying jobs, and not even they cannot afford to live here. Now imagine your child who turns 18 and just graduated high school. Or if you want to push it out even further, imagine your child who graduated college, is now $50,000 in debt from school loans and may now have to move-out or pay rent from his family. Why not help your child, teach him financial responsibility by helping him build his credit, become frugal and/or practical for everyday purchases and if you can afford it, NOT obligate him/her to pay rent while they learn how to do all that. 

A wiser investment than renting - As a quick note, when you don't obligate your child to pay rent, she/he has more money to save up for future investments (such as a house). If a child can live 3-5 years rent free, they could probably save enough money to put up a down-payment on a home. 

When I was 18, my parents told me that if I went to college, I would live rent free. I went to college for less than a year and didn't like it, in which I then found a job and started to pay rent. I believe I paid $300/month, and this lasted from around 19 years old to 26 (when I moved out). This totals out to $25,200 ($300x12mox7yrs). Some people may look at this as a huge favor that my parents did for me, while others may say that I could have used that money to move out sooner. This is the entire reason of the post, and I welcome all comments/criticism.

Thanks for reading  :)
#994
DamightyEwok wrote:What is your view about almost the same situation, but it being a younger brother who is in college?
My view would be almost identical, but it depends on your financial stability and the relationship you have with your brother. I was originally going to title this post "Charging your family rent?", but I don't necessarily feel the dynamic is the same. I am not one who believes that blood relation equates to obligation of any kind, which is why I changed the scope of the post to focus on the parent/child relationship. Your parent has a direct obligation to take care of you, while your brother/sister/cousin/aunt/uncle does not. Obviously this can change, depending on how close you feel to a specific family member, as I have met people who say they feel closer to their aunt then their own mother.

Depending on how close you and your brother are, I'd say the same thing applies as the parent/child scenario. You're looking to help out someone who is close to you, but only if you can afford it. It also may change the dynamic if you feel he is irresponsible, or was never close to you throughout your childhood, but now needs to live with you to benefit himself while going to college. I don't know your exact situation, so I cannot comment fully, but what I will say is not every family member who is blood related deserves to be helped. Again, I may be a minority when I say that blood relation doesn't warrant respect or obligation of any kind, as that needs to be earned by each individual, even your own parents.
#995
Yeah, not surprising here but I completely agree with James. hehe. No but really I grew up in a household where my parents did try to teach us financial responsibility but they didn't make me or my siblings pay for rent. I didn't think too much of it until I met other people that pay rent and pay for other costs with their parents, then I started realizing I was more fortunate than others I guess. To this day my parents feel that I am still struggling with things because of the fact that I graduated my master's program with student debt and haven't gotten a job yet to be able to support things I do due to my back problem. So when we go out to eat I never pay and they will never let me. They insist on taking care of me because they know I need it and they are in a position that they are able to do so. No, they aren't rich they barely have the costs to live comfortably. But still I really enjoy the feeling of knowing that my parents love me enough to still pay for me when I can't. And if in a few years I get a job and I'm doing well I would insist on doing the same in reverse and always paying for them when I get the chance to give them the same treatment they gave me all of their life. I do feel like this changed our dynamic because knowing all they did for me without them saying it out loud really made me feel closer to them and made me feel like they care more about me. If they had charged me rent and kept the money for themselves, I would have felt distance and seen it as selfish because I know they don't need it financially. That extra $300 wouldn't make a difference to them but would to me. They did charge my brother rent for a short time but it was when he was going through a hard time and my dad purposely put that money away in a separate account so that he could give it back to my brother one day when he was ready. So I feel that when people say they are doing it to teach responsibility, it is not a genuine response because those parents end up keeping the money for themselves. If they REALLY wanted to teach responsibility they would give the money back later and show it wasn't about the money at all. As you said James and something I've always believed. If you birth a child into this world you are responsible for them for as long as they need. Even if that is until 45 years old. Some kids may need more than others and it's not right to just cast off somebody because society said 18 is an adult. It really isn't. Most people don't really become an adult until 10 years after that. And with the costs of a horrible capitalist system like America where getting a good job requires a lot of money and debt, parents should be more understanding. I feel like a parent owes a child a lot more than a person owes their siblings because a child didn't ask to be birthed into this world and it was the parents choice so that parents should follow through for as long as possible. It's not right to say that you don't want to spend a lot of money on a child or to act like you're doing a lot if you spend money on a child because that should be a given. It's not a favor if you buy them things they need. It's just called parenting.
#996
I totally totally agree with Mona and believe what her parents did was absolutely the right decision (sounds like you have great parents Mona :D). Charging your kids rent will change the family dynamic. The parents kind of turn their home into a sort of business like if you would rent any other place. The parents become your landlord and roommates. So it's not surprising why a divide in the relationship is created. Charging for rent puts a focus on money as well. Why be so concerned about money rather than the growth and well-being of your kid? As Mona said, when you bring a child into this world, they are your responsibility. So take care of them until they can take care of themselves because they will be doing the same to their kids one day. You don't want them to have to take care of their parents, themselves, and then their kids. At that point, it's just a burden, not responsibility. Young people can have so much potential. They might go to school and get a degree to get a good paying job. But when you charge your kids rent, you put a damper on their potential because now they can't fully focus on their studies/passions/dreams, they have to get to get a low-level job (because they most likely have no experience for a better job) and focus about making rent as well.    

I don't really know how common it is for kids to actually be kicked out at 18 but yes, we do have this unhealthy part of our culture which says 18 is when you should move out and take care of yourself. I was very fortunate with my situation. I didn't go the normal path of 4 years of college. I went to community college first and it took me quite a bit longer to get a degree. But my parents not only put a roof over my head during the community college years, when it came to school, they were willing to pay for anything (books, classes, materials, tuition, gas, etc). They even gave me money for food and activities and wanted me to be a normal human being. They wanted me to be happy and have fun like any college kid. They wanted me to succeed. After university, it took me a year and a half after graduation to find a job and during that time, they still gave me money to help me pay rent while I was working an internship and looking for jobs. Of course, I didn't like taking the money and I just wanted to be independent so I could support myself.

You shouldn't expect money from your kid. You don't give birth to a child for the fact that when they grow up, they'll help you out financially. They are not a business investment. That is a very toxic way of thinking.
#997
Hi James,

As you know, it's me, your step brother. Remember?

I am honestly a bit surprised by this topic. As it seems, you feel you should never have been asked to pay rent? There's really no need to get into details about why it's a "positive thing", because paying rent to live somewhere with a roof over your head requires payment no matter where you live, unless you are homeless and under a bridge. Your mother, has done so much for you to an extent that most mothers probably wouldn't, and honestly you are STILL and will always be extremely fortunate the way your mom and my dad guided and helped you in this world. To complain in any way or aspect about anything regarding being assisted by your parents is what amazes me. It seems that you are having more and more issues with the world as time goes on.

Mona your response was even more surprising saying that even if you are 45 years old, you should basically be helped by your parents. Now, that's unbelievable.

Bottom line, life is hard, you BOTH should be able to work full time and support each other. You saying you aren't working because of your back? There are literally millions of people working with no arms or legs at a full time position.

Just so you know help can be there, but don't expect handouts, or free living (ever).
#999
Hi Raynald Romualdo Reynold,
I'm pretty sure they meant to expose the fact that in america, culturally speaking, you are not gradually educated to be independent and you're just thrown in the outside world when you're 18 just because of your age. Being a parent is first of all educating your kids and through the education you'll show the deepest support to earn what you deserve working hard for it.
I have no idea how you missed the point.
Next time I'll draw the topic for you RayRay Rayman, just don't go full berserk on whoever has a different opinion from yours or you'll just become a moron.

Don't make me call you deficiente Ray, you were so close to it.
#1000
Ray.Garcia1822 wrote:There's really no need to get into details about why it's a "positive thing", because paying rent to live somewhere with a roof over your head requires payment no matter where you live, unless you are homeless and under a bridge.
Does this mean staying at someone's house for the weekend should be the same at saying at a hotel for the weekend? Your thought process seems to require payment from your family as you would elsewhere.
Ray.Garcia1822 wrote:Your mother, has done so much for you to an extent that most mothers probably wouldn't, and honestly you are STILL and will always be extremely fortunate the way your mom and my dad guided and helped you in this world. To complain in any way or aspect about anything regarding being assisted by your parents is what amazes me. It seems that you are having more and more issues with the world as time goes on.
This is completely irrelevant to my original post. When I used to work at Tesla, we had lunch one day and you told me you didn't like the way my mom and your dad raised us. You stated that you learned everything you shouldn't do with your kids, based on how you thought we were raised. You again brought this up in front of mona, rebekah and my mom within the past year. Stating that my mom and your dad did everything wrong from the start, and you also had a few points of criticism for your dad in how harsh he was at times.

Now, should I tell you that any points of disagreement you hold should be labeled as "complaining"? That you are STILL and will always be extremely fortunate the way your dad and my mom guided and helped you in this world. To complain in any way about anything, would just amaze me? It's not very productive, is it? Just because a child grows up and reflects back on his childhood, and disagrees with an aspect of parenting, does not mean he disregards the parent entirely.
Ray.Garcia1822 wrote:Mona your response was even more surprising saying that even if you are 45 years old, you should basically be helped by your parents. Now, that's unbelievable.
This was already cleared up in person, but it would probably be better to actually read what Mona and I write. In the sentence directly after she wrote this, it states "some kids may need more than others." - And she was referring to possibilities of kids with special needs or unfortunate events that may occur in the kids life that set them back some years. Either way, this was directly looked over and not even addressed, as was the rest of my initial post. If there was any confusion as to why she said "45 years old", a simple "why do you think 45 years old is a reasonable age to continue support" would have been sufficient.
Ray.Garcia1822 wrote:Bottom line, life is hard, you BOTH should be able to work full time and support each other. You saying you aren't working because of your back? There are literally millions of people working with no arms or legs at a full time position.
Complete disregard of Mona's back, and the severity of her injury. In person you pointed to your dad and stated, "My dad has a back problem and he's working, so you should be working too." - Did you fail to realize your dad was out of work for how long after his back surgery? How many years was he out of work? Mona barely had surgery some months ago, but apparently this is comparable. Not to mention, weren't you out of work for 1-2 years yourself at one point? And I don't even think that was for a back problem, was it. If it was because you were being a stay at home dad, maybe you should have been "working full time" to support your wife and pay for day care. Doesn't really seem productive to say, does it?

Ray.Garcia1822 wrote:Just so you know help can be there, but don't expect handouts, or free living (ever).
This is not even relevant to my initial post.
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